Updated: Jun 17, 2022
I hearing a ringing sound in my ears, and muffled sound of people from all directions, try to left my head up a Little to open my eyes, I open them just a little bit but my vision is blurry and I can feel the dust and sand in my eyes, but I try to plink several times, the more I plink the clearer I can see, I can see enough at this point, try to move my body to stand up but I can feel my bones heave, I feel my bones my muscles about to break like glass in any minute, but I force myself to get up slowly, I finally left my body weight off the ground, I lose my balance for a moment, I catch myself and Regan balance, my ears start to clear up finally and I can hear footsteps running in every direction as I look around I’m in shock at the sight because what I sow before the explosion is totally different place, the trees are leveled to the ground and the sheets are cracked from the impact, buildings fallen and broken some still standing, cars flipped, red Sky’s, it’s like the flames is coming from the clouds, I’m horrified, I can feel my body freeze at the sight, how I’m going to survive alone in a broken state, what even happened.
I’m numb I can’t feel anything anymore, I feel like I forgot how to speak, how to walk, I’m just standing while everyone trying to get away and seek refuge, men, women, and children lifeless bodies all over the place, right now everything is gone, I wish I dead, I wish I dead, I wish I dead, I wish I died, it’s better than seeing this, I stand here for god knows how long, maybe minutes, or hours, or days I don’t know.
Now I’m walking back home, I checked every car but the cars even won’t start, there is no electricity, it’s like everything just shut down, and I’m walking slow, my body is numb, my mind is blank, I’m dragging my legs on the ground, my arms swing lifeless beside me, I lost everything, there is no were to go to, no one to speak to, no future, nothing to do, I can’t help it but feel empty, “ what do I do now” as I say the words out loud, as if someone going to answer back, want to die or you know what never mind my life is already over so there is no point in dying, i was stupid, I wanted so much from life, I wanted to be someone, I was willing to do anything, I never lost hope, deep down I wanted to fight, but now, now there is nothing to fight for, I win the last fight at least, I have saved my family, and now it’s just me and the empty streets and house, I just want to take a long nap is all I can’t think about right now, I just want to sleep and never wake up, I have been walking for hours, it’s far away, I’m too tired to walk, I don’t remember if I have eaten anything or even if I drank water, there was no time, I’m in my neighborhood, it’s like a ghost town, just like my dream, I’m having deja vu, I don’t know why but suddenly I feel comforted, I grew up here, in my grandfather’s house, I like it here, the place reminds me of my childhood and my grandfather, all of a sudden I can see in the distance a black figure, someone, I look at it for I few minutes carefully, the hell is this, I can see a tall black shadow hovering, no way this a human being, the same black shadow I so that night, it’s turns to the left it’s moving, my hands are shaking, don’t know why but my first instinct is to run after the shadow, I started running, how am I running?, I have no anger, but I have to see it again, I have to know what is it, i run after the shadow, my legs are heavy and about to give out, I’m breathing so hard I can feel my lungs collapsing, but I don’t care I keep going, as I reach the corner my legs slip a Little and I catch myself before falling to the ground, but I stop, “what!! I don’t believe this” I say not realizing that I have said the word out loud, I look in front of me, and here, I'm standing right in front of my house, door wide open, then memories of my grandfather attack my mind all of a sudden, I clinch at the thought of him, we can’t stand here and wonder, I step in said, and for a second I forgot that we have huge yard, I standing for a second to just look at the place, this house have been years in our family my grandfather said to me his parents was wealthy, walking up the stairs at each step my heart skips a beat, my hand touching the door handle, twisted carefully like expecting chaos, the door swing open, I’m relived everything seems to be fine, i close the door behind me as I step inside, and run my fingers along the walls, it like the house is froze in time, before all this happened, I look up at the portrait of my grandfather, god I look nothing like him, but Maria believes that I act just like him, I drop my body on the couch to get some rest, it’s getting darker, a warning goes off the same soft voice saying “all citizens remaining, there has been an accident in the nuclear power plant, radiation is raising, please take cover” the voice repeats the same sentence few time and then stops, is not like anyone is alive any way, at least I know what happened now and I’m going to die of radiation poisoning soon, for some reason I’m calm, I always have known that I’m not afraid of dying, but to know that diffidently you’re dying in a week maybe even few days and still be okay with it, gives me a sense of peace.
I’m falling backwards from a tall building, can’t Control my limbs, it’s like I’m trying to grab on something that isn’t there to save me, grabbing on to air, wondering when it’s going to end, when I’m going to hit the ground, then I hit the ground, gasping, it takes me a second to realize that I have fallen from the couch, suddenly I’m gagging I feel like about to vomit my whole stomach out and I do, its starting the radiation poising, feel like the whole house is spinning, I try to get up but I stumble and fall every time I try to get up, so I don’t, I crawl to the door, grab the handle to help me stand, relining on the door I work my way to the walls, I just want to go to the bathroom, I feel my skin burning hot like I’m burning from the inside out with blue flames, I’m in pain but still walk slowly, barely breathing, I’m choking on every breath a take, my lungs are collapsing my bones are breaking on every step, yet I’m still fighting for my life, why bother I’m going to die anyway, I fall and hit hard to the ground I lay there for few minutes looking at the ceiling wondering why I do this, but still I’m going to die trying at least, my grandfather really implanted his ideas in me “ never give up keep fighting” even when I’m about to die his still in my head, I have always been like this, I never give up even if I fail a million times, it’s just how I cope with life, with myself, this is the way I coped with his death, I throw my arms infant of me and I start to Crawl, every step killing me more and more, I reach the bathroom, and i collapse on the ground vomiting, it feel like hours when I finally stop, I crawl to the shower open the shower tap on cold, and I gasp as soon as the cold water hits me, but its literally want I needed, I feel my body temperature going down, I look down at my hands study them, my hands are red my nails are blue, I realize that my whole body is red, I researched a lot about radiation poisoning, first vomiting and sickness, then red skin, after that I will get butter but for short amount of time, even better than before, but it will not last long intel my skin begins to die turning black and my flesh and bones will be exposed, my bone marrow will die and my immune system will be shut down, and gone with it my life and my soul, what a tragic way to die, a painfully death for a mind so corrupted, what I perfect way for me, I laugh a sarcastic laugh, and I look away, I’m tired and cold, I stand up relining on the wall my bones are shattering my is skin is melting and I bite down the pain, few minutes goes by doesn’t bother as much I’m getting use to pain, I take a towel to dry myself and take my clothes off, I open the armoire I see an oversized shirt, I put it on and drop my body on to the bed, god it feels good.
it’s the morning and it's s foggy and gloomy with dark grey skies, nothing have changed, and I feel much better but I know it’s not for long, so I get up get dressed, I go to the kitchen to drink water from the tap, I look around for a while, I sigh, as I look at the window I hear a bang, like a door closing, panicked I rush to the living room, the front door is open, dust flying everywhere, I’m trying to look outside but the wind is so strong the door close shut and reopen again, I go to the bed room as fast as I can, I opened every drawer looking for the keys, finally I found the keys on the bottom drawer and I run back to the living room, close the door shut and every door in this house, the wind is contaminated, I don’t want to breathe this radioactive dust, I lock all the windows, I look outside as I’m closing the last window, it's getting worse, right know it looks like a sand storm, I don’t know when this nightmare will end.
It’s been a few days and still, the storm is not dying down, I feel sick even sicker the before I keep gasping for air laying on the ground hoping just hoping, suddenly I feel dizzy I try to swallow I can feel I lump in my throat, I gasp for air it’s hard to breathe, I’m breathing way to fast, I’m trying to calm down but the house feels so small, I stand up walking few feet and I drop to the ground, my heart is biting fast, I have no one to line on or calm me down, I have no way of communication, no phone service no internet no electricity nowhere to go, I’m stuck in this house, I’m stuck in this world alone, I get up drink some water and collect myself, try to forget about it.
I’m feeling fatigued and I don’t know how much longer I can fight stay, I stopped counting time, I’m shaking but I’m not cold, at this point I’m dragging my body to the bathroom been cold water will help, I want to stay awake, I have to, I cover my mouth with my hand, to stop me from screaming from the pain, it Hurts and burn everywhere, try my hardest to stop shaking and get up, I make my way to the bathroom relining on the sink, I look up looking at the mirror, my vision is blurry but I look closer try to focus my vision on my face my mouth full of blood my eye bloodshot red, I forgot to breathe for a moment, I open the sink tap as the water rushing, I’m fading away but I try to focus one more time, want to stay awake, stay awake, stay awake, stay awake, stay awake, I feel nauseous, finally, my leg give out I can feel my eye-rolling into my skull, I fall to the bathroom floor, blackness filling the bathroom.
opening my eyes, I gasp as I sit up and I touch my body everywhere checking, that I’m fine still alive somehow, laying on the floor for god knows how long, I look around look at my body I’ve soaked in dry blood a deep shade of red almost dark brown, I don’t know how long I have been unconscious, but I do know from the color of my blood it’s a long time, slowly stand up, I put my hands on the sink to balance myself, I lift my head up looking at the mirror, looking at myself or is it myself? I look different, I had dark brown hair and my eyes were dark brow my skin was Paige, I touch my face in disbelieve, it's me but also not me, I look closely for a few minutes, my eyes are light blue with my already big eyelids almost that’s all you can see on my face, my nose is pointer sharper, my skin is so light, pink big lips I swear my lips have never looked this pink, the color of my hair didn't change thank god dark black hair, I Little laugh is escape my mouth, I’m startled by the sight of my teeth, my canines are bigger sharper, what the hell is going on, is that caused by radiation, no no no none of this makes sense.